stupid

So I just got back to iowa a few days ago from visiting home. And I wish I didn't have to come back here. Im so much happier there. Like its not even because of friends, its because of the area. When I was walking in philly, I don't think I was ever happier then I was that moment.

But I had to come back. The only reason I come back, and the only reason im still here is because of robby. I love him so much, and im just as happy in iowa when im with him. But if it was a perfect world, I could go back, and he'd go with me. But I know how it is, you don't wanna leave your sucure ground, and your friends you have had for years.

So I know it won't happen. But itd be amazing if it did. Haha.

Plus I don't expect him to move, so he dosent lose me. Not that he dosent care for me, its just I know he wouldn't.

This summer though, he's coming with me. And I can't wait. I can't wait for him to finally meet my friends. It sucks being with someone for 7 months and them not knowing anyyyy of your friends besides like 3. But I mean like real friends I have. Amazing friends I have. Friends that are my everything. It sucks knowing his friends, but him not knowing mine.

Since were on the subject of him, thinks have been really looking up.last months have always been just shit, and arguing, and doubting the relationship. But finally either, things are hidden better, or hesreally trying. And I hope its him really trying. He's making me as happy as I was in the beginning of when we dated. And that was the best time ever. So hopefully things have changed, and it can always be like this.

School sucks. Im not sure if im going to pass. I have like not even a few days to finish 2 classes that I have so much work in. I really need to step it up. I need to bring work home, cause robby said he'd help me. And that's what I gotta do.

I gotta get that done, and I gotta get my drivers permit or whatever, and then ge my lisence, so I can get a job. Save money, go home, and start school after I graduate.

I need to start taking art classes, and sociology classes. I talked to my middle school counsler who im like bff with. And she said if I wanna be a art therapist, I need to get up on taking those classes.

So I need to do thatttt.

Anyways, bye.

happydays

So I've been here, home, since last wed.
And I've got to say, this is the happiest I have been in awhile.
I forgot how much happier I am here, and how much I truly miss it. It sucks how im not looking forward to going home...at all.
I don't miss anything really.

I plan on coming back here. I really do.

I can't see myself anywhere else.

Im on my way home from N. NJ now. Kinda bummed, we tried finding the devils tree, and of course didn't find it. Ahhaha. But nothing better then late drives & saves the day. Forsure.

Tomorrow im seeing mikey<3 im going to visit him at work. Im excited to see him.

But im sad, don't wanna go to iowa...

I love being happy.

lately

Things have been going so good.
Me and robby had a huge talk a while ago, and i realize he really does love me. and we just need to take time to understand eachother, and talk things out, instead of just bottling everything up. and instead of him taking everything so wrong and getting so mad.

"Love; It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole."

so true.

another thing ive realized is a lot of the kids here...are just big shittalkers, and pussies, cause they wont say anything to anyones faces just behind eachothers backs. so much for calling yourself "bestfriends". stop telling your "friends" it was just a joke, and man up and tell them how you feel.

so ive stopped hanging out with them.

peter, ryan, and mykel are all i need. hahaha. ive been hanging out with them lately, and they are just so much fun, and we go out and do stuff. we dont sit in and play video games or sit on the computer, and best of all, we dont sit and just ramble about people. they are awesome and i wish i would have started to hangout with them sooner.

i go home in 4 days with kaytee for 8 days. i cant wait. vinny is picking us up from the airport, and i cant wait to see him. and were staying with liz, and i cant wait to see her of course. so many people i cant wait to see. exspecially sarabeth and taylor. they will always be my friends through everything. i love them. <3

sb is having her baby soon, i wish i could be there when she has it but i know i wont :/ shes going to be such a good mom.

i cant wait to get out of here for a week.
im truly not really going to miss anyone, but robby really.

then when i get back, gabby will be here<3
which is awesome of course.

so glad everything is looking up.

<3